Monday, March 19, 2012

It's a Mad, Mad World...

Well it's just a mad, mad world, isn't it?

Little did I know when I wrote that last post (which was really depressing...sorry about that) that I was 4 days pregnant.

Jesse and I have tried to get pregnant for 4 years and obviously hadn't been having much luck.

We were going to start the adoption process in the next year or so. I wasn't too stressed about it. I just wanted to get the Graves Disease taken care of and then we'd get the ball rolling on having a baby.

When I found out I was pregnant I was overwhelmed. I read up on babies born to mothers with un-treated Graves Disease and the odds of my little babe being born with Graves Disease was extremely high. I just felt so guilty that I was going to make this innocent little baby go through so much. But Jesse gave me a blessing and it said that this baby was coming when it was supposed to and that it would have extra protection in my belly. And that everything would be fine. So when I think about it too much or start feeling guilty I just re-read my journal entry from the night Jesse gave me the blessing and the anxiety is lessened.

Since then, we have found out that we are having a boy! And he is growing healthy and strong. And everything looks "normal" as far as they can tell. I can't tell you what a relief it all is.

I am 24 weeks and I am still sicker than a dog. But I don't care as long as this little boy continues to grow healthy and strong. I will go through whatever I have to if it means he can have a healthy and strong body. I pray every day that he will.

I am still scared to death to be a mom, and I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but I am so grateful that I am pregnant and that the Lord has blessed me with so much!